Death and taxes aren’t the only things that are guaranteed in life. You’ll also encounter idiots.
You’ve likely heard the expression “Hell is other people”, a term attributed to French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre from his 1944 play, No Exit.
While the expression is often heard when bemoaning the behaviour of others, its intended meaning is more esoteric. The play from which it is taken features three people, condemned to spend eternity in a single room in each other’s company. When the famous line arrives, Sartre is making a complex point about how it is impossible go through life without perpetually having to deal with how we are perceived.
Complex philosophies about the nature of existence aside, the idea that life is hard precisely because of other people is not a new one. Far from it: it’s been known for thousands of years. And whereas Sartre explored it by plumbing the depths of existence, the idea can still be boiled down to a simple concept. Namely, it’s impossible to go through life without encountering other people – and many of them will be jerks.
Drivers will cut you off even though you clearly indicated your intent to change lanes.
Incompetent co-workers will drag down the team while you work yourself into a stupor.
Family members will disapprove or condescend, oblivious to the grinding of your teeth as you hold your tongue for the sake of your spouse.
Acquaintances will spew misinformation on social media, ignoring the laughable ease with which those absurd claims can be debunked.
And the restaurant will screw up your order after you repeated it twice.
It’s infuriating. Maddening. And it’s enough to make you wonder how people can be so dumb? So inconsiderate, incompetent, and clueless?
These people… they just don’t get it. Clear, loud, righteous anger is surely a justifiable way to get through to them?
People have always been jerks
Idiocy is nothing new in human history. In fact, Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius had this to say about it in his book Meditations, considered a fundamental work in Stoic philosophy.
Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 2:1
The plain English translation is basically this:
Remember that you’re going to encounter jerks. Also, most people don’t realise they’re being jerks.
The above observation is not some curse of modern living. It’s from a text written somewhere between 161 and 180CE – almost 1900 years ago. Nor is he the first person in history to make this point.
Countless philosophers throughout history knew it. Psychologists and counsellors know it. Comedians and musicians know it. Even ancient religions knew it (whether it’s “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” or “My Lord, forgive my people for they do not know”).
The fact that so many influential figures came to the same conclusion must surely impress upon you that there is nothing astonishing about the inevitability of idiots. It’s something we humans have always had to contend with – and it will continue to be as natural, constant and inevitable as the change of seasons.
Which begs the question: if you know that you’re going to encounter jerks, why get so worked up?
How much does it really matter?
To be clear, I’m not advocating indifference to genuine injustice or to people who may harm you. Things that are serious merit a serious response.
Rather, the point is that so many of the day’s frustrations (the kind that we’ll inevitably have to endure because we happen to belong to a busy society) have very little long-term bearing on our lives.
Yes, jerks will cut you off in traffic. Will cursing in your car with the windows up – or blowing your horn and driving aggressively – undo what just occurred?
The restaurant will screw up your order. Does being a jerk improve the flavour or bring back those precious nine minutes?
Work colleagues will be obnoxious or incompetent. And while responding with anger at their ineptitude in front of their colleagues or boss may feel good, your visible loss of emotions is unlikely to improve your career prospects.
Family members will disapprove and condescend. Indignant anger may indeed get them to shut up or back off – but what will the cost be to you in the complex web that we call family relationships?
People you know will spew misinformation or excruciatingly-ill-informed opinions on social media. It’s so tempting to blast them for it with a damn good talking to – but will it change their mind? People rarely respond to being shouted at.
Unless you become a hermit, things like these are unavoidable. You cannot avoid the fact that you will encounter idiots.
Far better, then, to accept that things are the way they are. You can then insulate and armour yourself by knowing that people being jerks will happen. To be prepared is to inoculate yourself against the unexpectedness of distressing events.
And if you are going to expend energy and get worked up about something? Save it for something that truly matters – something that’ll make a profound difference to your life, or that of someone that matters.
And if all else fails– consider another vital Marcus line: “This you have the power to revoke at any moment.”